So I've got this stalker friend named Keeny, who followed me from college to university. Well, I might have followed him, in the strictest sense, but it's my site and I'll be the pioneer if I want to. Anyway, he sent me the following demand, and suggested I put it on my site. As he'll a) probably regret it in the morning and b) have no excuse to ramble on about how he's not on here, I have posted it for all to see.

---

Dearest Alex

I have finally had a proper read through of your qwebsite and found thast there is no direct mention of me in any of it, not weven in the writings section. I request, nae demand at least a passing reference in at least one section. I know this may sound needy but you know what, I don't care. I also know that htere are a numbwer of typos already in this document, but I can't be bothered to correct them. And yes I have been drinking. I will now save this and go get some more VODKA.

Wow I hate Mungos on a friday night, it takes soooo long to get a drink. Anyhoo where was I ? Oh yeah, neediness. Is that spelt righjt? No, probably not. I think the main problem with the elderly of today is their selfishness. I got a very pointed letter from a more "mature" member of my sdtreet, complaining about raised noise levels the previous night/morning. She (Dorothy) made it very clear that the letter was written sometime around 3AM and that it was RAP music that was being played from a CAR. I would like to point out now that I had nothing to do with this, and in fact I was woken up by the very same disturbance. But it did raise an intreseting point. . . I'm not sure what this point was, but I can tell you I was bloody pissed off by it. Who the hell does she think she is, lumping all students in the same category; as trouble making alcohloics?????? I can't afford a car anyway. I would also like to point ouit that this very same Dorothy rented her house out to students the previous year, so she shouldd know what to expect, and it's a bit late to start phucking complaining.

STUDENTS DRINK FOR THE FOLLOWING REASONS.

1. It is expected
2. Everybody else is drinking
3. It's really cheap

Why do the older people critisise the young anyway? Maybe because it's expected of them as well. I mean, all the other old people critisise the young, and at the end of the day, it doesn't cost anything to do. Maybe complaining is an alcohol substitute for the elderly, after their livers have collapsed and died. Or maybe I've runk too much. He he he; runk!!!! I've been writing for a while now. You really shouldn't let your lectures get in the way of your education. . I had this dream a couple of nights ago where everything ws covered in frost, but it was a very sunny afternoon. I decided to take my shoes off and run around in it. Then I woke up and my feet were cold, as they were hanging out the end of the duvet.. I think student life is like that, your brain just making up things that fit the situation, without really working out what the hell is going on. I wonder if i will think the same things of student life in 10 years time, as I do now???

THE MEANING OF LIFE IS AS FOLLOWS

The meaning of life is as unique as the person it belongs to. To propose a blanket meaning of life for everyone is to negate life's very purpose. Each individual must discover their own meaning, their own reason for being. It may be to become a famous movie star, it may be to become a caring and respected member of society, it maybe to become a pizza eating, larger swilling couch potato; each is as valid as the first. As long as a person is comfortable in their own meaning, then they are truly a complete person.

I though of this while I was in the shower.

Yours Sincierely, Eddie the Cheese!

P.S. 'NADS!!!!

P.P.S. Maybe you should put this on your webgiste as n example of the evils of alcohol??